Jalen Gooch

“If I send you this, know I am moving in silence”

If you’ve been on the internet the past year, you’ve likely encountered these words over a picture of former Disney Channel Star Brigit Mendler. Crowned the queen of “moving in silence”, Mendler disappeared from the acting scene to reappear with various accomplishments.

Aside from launching her own satellite data startup, Northwood Space, Mendler has earned degrees from the University of Southern California, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and Harvard Law School. All without saying a word.

What is Moving in Silence?

Mendler masterfully embodies the trend of “moving in silence” that has become widespread on social media in the past decade. While the origin of the phrase has been attributed to Lil Wayne’s 2011 song, 6 Foot 7 Foot, in which he raps “Real Gs move in silence like a lasagna,” it has taken a new life in the online space.

Professional Speaker Andy Lopata discusses how the need to move in silence or loudly share one’s accomplishments is often tied to the culture in which one surrounds themselves in an article titled, “When Is It OK to Share Your Achievements?” (PsychologyToday).

America is a very individualist country, where the achievements of the individual are often placed on a higher pedestal than those accomplished by groups. This manifests in the idea of the American Dream in which any individual can pull themselves up by their bootstraps to achieve great success, no matter where they come from.

Other cultures tend to be more collectivist and actively boasting about one’s success instead of the group’s success is looked down upon. That being said, wouldn’t “moving in silence” directly go against America’s individualist culture?

With the rise of social media, there is a constant need to share with the world what you are up to, and there is no shortage of places to do so. Got a new Job? LinkedIn. Bought your first car? Instagram. Tying the knot? Time to update your Facebook.

While many thrive on the constant reassurance and praise for their achievements they receive, many have moved more towards the idea of achieving success while only letting a few, if any people know.

Notably, the trend of moving in silence on social media is largely ironic, with people posting their achievements online with the caption moving in silence. (Is it really moving in silence if you are loudly sharing that you are moving in silence is a philosophical debate for another day.)

Arguments for Moving in Silence

It is not surprising that the concept of moving in silence appeals to many of us having been raised in a demanding achievement culture. We are told from a very young age that our worth is dependent on what we can achieve and the best way to measure success is by comparing ourselves to others.

Social media provides a steady stream of accomplishments for comparison and serves as a measuring stick as to whether or not we are living our lives to the fullest potential. 

We all have had that experience when you read an article or watch a news segment about someone who has accomplished some world-changing feat or accomplishment. Your stomach sinks at the passing mention of their age.

We’re the same age, yet I haven’t accomplished anything remotely close, or they’re only a few years older than me, I’m running out of time to make something out of my life. The spiral begins.

Moving in silence seems to offer a unique solution to this problem in that instead of feeling the pressure to constantly prove to your social network that you are achieving success and reaching goals deemed socially acceptable, you have the freedom to focus on your goals without any outside input.

Maybe you want to focus on becoming a better artist or writer. Maybe you have that passion project you’ve always dreamed of starting.  Maybe you simply don’t have anything going on and just need a break.

These are all valid goals an individual might have that conflict with traditional narratives of what it means to be successful. You’ll hear “You’ll never make any money doing that” or “Isn’t that a waste of time” and be discouraged from pursuing these goals any further.

In her article, “This is What it Really Means to Move in Silence”, author Nolwazi Sangweni discusses how in modern society there is this underlying notion that if it wasn’t posted on social media, then it didn’t happen. Posting your achievements online is a way of being validated that you exist and are making progress in life (The Orange Journal).

She argues that at the core of the “moving in silence” movement is the idea that you can disappear completely and come back completely unrecognizable. At this point, you will no longer feel the need to share your accomplishments, because you are already satisfied with the results (The Orange Journal).

Moving in silence gives you the freedom to pursue whichever goals you choose, at whatever pace you deem fit, free from the judgment of others. It seems like the perfect solution, but why isn’t everyone doing it?

Arguments Against Moving in Silence

There are several arguments in favor of sharing one’s achievements, despite moving in silence has been embraced by many, 

As mentioned earlier, many people choose to move in silence to avoid the criticism or judgment of others. Author Emma Beddington, argues that if that is the typical reaction you are getting when you share your achievements, it might be your social circle that is the problem, in her opinion piece, “To brag or not to brag? The etiquette is more confusing than ever” (The Guardian).

From a more practical standpoint, not publicly sharing your achievements can lead to opportunities passing you, most often career-wise. The argument holds that you should not completely disappear and move in silence, but be aware of the moments in which it is in your best interest to share your achievements to move ahead in life.

Another appeal is that if you are an individual from a minority or disadvantaged group, in which there already exists a culture of keeping one’s successes to themselves, sharing your accomplishments can inspire others to achieve similar goals (PsychologyToday).

Seeing someone who looks like you go on to achieve great things can help break down the mental barriers and limitations we place on ourselves and give us the motivation to tackle even greater problems. 

So, after hearing arguments for and against moving in silence, is there a correct choice?  

My Experience Moving in Silence

Whether or not moving in silence is worth considering largely depends on who you are and the goals you aim to achieve. There are times when sharing your goals can connect you with individuals who can support you in your journey, and other times when it can lead to too many cooks in the kitchen.

I have been experimenting with the concept by working on various side projects such as this blog. While I originally planned to make a big announcement to my social networks about how I had worked on all of these different side projects for the past month, when the time came I felt as if sharing with others would be the end of it all.

I would no longer be able to write or produce content without knowing that certain people would likely read it. It would no longer be a means to express my true thoughts and feelings, but a puppet show I would put on to please those I hoped would read.

My inclination to move in silence also stems from a fear of failure. I’ve failed several job interviews or projects that no one in my circle knows about because I was unsuccessful.

If I share what I am working towards before it comes to completion and it all falls apart, now I have to relive the failure with each person who asks. 

While brainstorming this post, I stumbled on an Instagram reel discussing this topic. The text reads “telling my clients with ADHD to stop announcing their goals because it impacts their motivation to complete the actual goal,” while hypnotherapist Juliet Obodo lip-syncs over the aforementioned Lil Wayne song.

She then goes on to explain in the comments how individuals with ADHD have what is called an interest-based nervous system. What motivates us is the idea that our goals are novel, and we receive the same dopamine boost from sharing our goals as if we had actually achieved them. 

This can be detrimental to our progress towards a goal. If we feel we have already completed a goal, we lose the motivation to keep working towards its success. Encountering this reel was a huge eye-opener for me in that I have always kept the goals or projects most exciting to me hidden from those around me until I have completed them.

It can be a double-edged sword, especially when talking with other people sharing their own achievements. I hate leaving them with the impression that I have nothing going on and I am simply being lazy.

I have to stop myself and realize that the temporary satisfaction of stating the work I’ve done, undermines the reason I undertook the project in the first place. It can be hard to not constantly be reassured that what I am doing is worthwhile or respected. 

There are times when, as Sangweni mentions, I feel as if I don’t exist, simply because I am not updating my social circle with what I am up to and posting shiny new accomplishments I have achieved.

Although I might never come to terms with these fears, I want to reach a place where I can fully dive into my passions and interests without making them known to those around me. But until then, I’ll continue, albeit slowly, moving in silence. 

Thank you for making it this far! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic so feel free to comment below or email me at funemployedera@gmail.com. If you are interested, I also host InMyFunemployedEra, a podcast where I discuss similar topics. Thanks again for reading and until next time. Take Care!