Jalen Gooch

It’s a quarter past midnight on a summer evening in Southern California. Despite the sun’s absence, it is warm 80 degrees outside and the crickets sing their final notes one by one. The world around me sleeps peacefully, gently enveloped by the night, but I am wide awake. To ease the storm of thoughts in my head, I reach for my phone and open Instagram. After a few minutes, I stumble upon a reel of a woman leaning forward over a candle. The caption reads “Of course, everything is falling apart, your new life will cost you your old one.” (@sonyased5)

If you are on the same side of Instagram as I am, you have likely encountered this quote or similar variations. When researching this quote, I was surprised to discover it originated from Brianna Wiest’s The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self Mastery, a book I had previously read. The full quote reads:

“Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. It’s going to cost you being liked and understood.” – Brianna Wiest, The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self Mastery.

I have always had a love-hate relationship with this and similar quotes in that I often find myself leaving with a surface-level sense of relief. I’m reminded of personality trait quizzes with answers so vague that they can apply to anyone already wanting to be labeled as kind or hard-working. 

When I transitioned from High School to College, I lost relationships and friendships and was pushed out of my comfort zone in ways I had never imagined. The same could be said for my transition from Middle to High School and other similar transitions. However, in these cases, the changes stemmed from physical changes in location that forced me to adapt rapidly. 

But what happens when instead of immersing yourself in a new environment full of new people and opportunities you are dropped right back where you started?

I remember seeing a tweet that read “I hate going home because I revert into a person who I no longer am.” (My memory is a bit rusty so this is a rough quote). I find myself in an environment that defined my childhood and early years, yet that person no longer exists. 

Studies have shown that between the ages of 20 and 30, drastic shifts in personality occur compared to other periods in our life span. We can no longer escape the dreaded Frontal Lobe Development and can only watch as our emotions, decision-making, and problem-solving skills shift. 

I am no longer the person I was 5 years ago, let alone a year ago. I have no idea where or what my new life will look like, and the feelings of guilt and anxiety can pile on very quickly. Yet as I type this in my childhood bedroom, I am surrounded by every version of myself. Yes, my new life cost me my old life, but what if those versions of myself I swore were gone were with me all along? 

The sun dips below the horizon and the moon slowly rises into the sky as another day comes to a close. I walk into my room quietly to not wake myself sleeping in the crib by the door. I read a bedtime story to myself and tuck him into bed. I help myself pick out what color uniform he’ll wear to school tomorrow. I tell myself not to stay up too late and that the college applications can wait till morning. I turn off the light and climb into bed. Unable to sleep, I again pull out my phone and begin scrolling, but I know I am not alone. 

The past and the present weave together in a beautiful tapestry and my anxieties are put to rest one after another. I close my eyes and drift off into a deep sleep, awaiting the future that lies before me, whatever it may be.

References

Nhnscr. (2023, May 20). Frontal Lobe Development: Understanding Brain Development by age. National Human Neural Stem Cell Resource. https://www.nhnscr.org/blog/frontal-lobe-development-understanding-brain-development-by-age/ 

Wiest, B. (2020). The mountain is you: Transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery. Thought Catalog Books.